Parents spend their lives giving without keeping score. They often pour everything they have into their children but what happens when they say no? Betsy (64, F) wrote to us about the painful decision she had to make when her son did the unexpected.
This is Betsy’s story:
I raised my son on my own. His father left when he was young, and from then on it was just the two of us. I worked double shifts, came home exhausted, and still made dinner, checked his homework, and stayed up late when he was sick. Every dream I had began and ended with him. So when he wanted to buy his first house, I was proud to help. I dipped into my savings, co-signed his loan, and watched him move in with a sense of pride I can’t describe.
A betrayal that I never expected.
Years later, he came to me again. This time, he wanted me to co-sign another loan, a bigger one. I looked at the numbers and knew it wasn’t safe. I told him gently that I couldn’t do it. He didn’t take it well. He yelled at me to “stay out of his life,” and then walked out. A few days later, he told me not to come by anymore, not to see my grandchildren. He was punishing me for saying no.
When he needed me, he expected me to forget everything.
A month passed. Then one afternoon, my phone rang. My son was on the other end. “Mom, my sitter quit. Can you please watch the kids?” I was angry but not at my grandkids so I said okay. The next day I showed up with bags full of their favorite toys, clothes, and snacks. The moment I knew I did the right thing…but my son’s betrayal still played on my mind.
As a mother, I knew I had to teach my son.
When my son came home that evening, he seemed a little embarrassed but he didn’t apologize, instead he just asked me if I could come again tomorrow. That’s when I knew what I had to do. I looked at him and said, “I’m moving two hours away. You said I couldn’t see my grandkids, so now you’ll be the one doing the driving.”
My message was heard, loud and clear.
It’s been a few months now but a lot has changed. We’re slowly finding our way back to each other. My son calls more often now. I see the kids every other weekend, and he never forgets to thank me. It took time and heartbreak, but he finally learned that entitlement can have consequences. I’m just sorry I waited till adulthood to teach him!